Sometimes, I hate being right.

I love blogging. Amongst all the different things you can accomplish through this media, it is also an excellent way to vent.

A few days ago, I posted a blog about letting go of the past for the sake of a future relationship. I stated that my suspicions were quite likely to be completely wrong. Perhaps, they were dead on. Close to it anyway.
Two weeks ago, I went on an unofficial date with a young lady. I say unofficialy because I really didn't tell her it was a date, but I revealed to her my intentions to her at the end. We agreed it was a good time to be had bu all. She called me every night after that for five days. During one of those calls, she initiates another daye and makes sure it's known that she intended it to be a daye. after tje fifth night, I didn't hear from her. she didn't retyrn my calls. And when I saw her at church the following Sunday night, dhe looked as though she didn't want to look me in the eyes. Agter the service, she came to talk to me. It felt a lot like she did it out ofobligation (because I saw her). I asked if we were still on for our "date" and she said yes. I haven't heard word one from her since.
Tonight was suposed to be our date night. I have yet to hear word one from her.
To be honest, my suspicion was that she had gotten back together with her ex-boyfriend whom she refered to as "numb nuts" on account that he'd made some bone-headed moves that affected her directly.
This hurts not because she picked him over me. It's her life. She can so what she wants as she sees fit. No, it hurts because rather than being an adult about it and telling me whats going on, she'd rather cut off communication and perhaps pray that it all goes away. I may still be wrong. However, her behavior fits the profile that has been formed in my mind through years of living with a lying wife.

Half of my mind says "[PROFANITY DELETED] it! Being a nice guy doesn't pay off for [PROFANITY DELETED]! Women aren't worth respecting anymore. If I meet a good lookin' chick and she diggs me, I'm gonna [PROFANITY DELETED] her." Now the other half of my mind says "It will be just my luck to catch full blown AIDS from the first woman I have sex with. I'm better off doin' it God's way.

She said all sorts of things that felt good to hear a woman say about me. I really enjoyed my time with her and she said the same about me. She has a wonderful personality to match her beautiful smile and is very level headed and future minded as well as inteligent. I'm a butt man and her body delivered. She has a good sized chest to boot. spending that time with her and talking to her about the Bible and everything else made me feel like I was finally returning to normal. I felt like I'd found a good canidate to grow old with. I just don't get how people can be so selfish. Then I remember a time when I was in AIT (ask your military friends what that is) and I was determined to call my sons mother and tell her I'd met someone new. In that very conversation, she told me her mother was in the hospital, dying of breast cancer. She only had a couple of days to live. Through tears that flowed like a river, she beged me to tell me if there was someone else in my life now, because now would be the time she'd want to hear it. I hadn't the heart to tell her. As time went on, I put off telling her until one day she found out through my aunt that I was married.
Just deserts, perhaps. Thinking of it that way, as though this is my punishment, its a little easier to take. Then her lack of consideration would be more of an act of God, rather than her own doing.

Thanks for letting me vent. Because my mind is in such a state, I really don't care to spell check this post. Maybe I'll come back another time to do that. 'Til next time.

PS: None of my suspicions are proven and I could be very wrong. But I don't think so.