Bio 100

So, last night I started my summer class in Biology 100. It didn't take long for the subject of evolution to be mentioned and to be stated as a proven theory. Naturally, my defense mechanism kicked in. I refuse to be brainwashed into such an idealistic view. The professor stated in the lab that follows the lecture that a scientist has to keep an open mind to change. A scientist has to be able to accept science and it's new discoveries. Unfortunately, I immediately thought of evolution and how committed to the theory scientists are. I doubt any are willing to believe that science could one day offer proof to the contrary. Once again, the defense mechanism kicked in.
I think it was God who got me to think about where my resistance was coming from. I feared that science would offer a convincing argument that would cause me to question my beliefs. I was then reminded that God hasn't given us the spirit of fear, but of liberty. Basically, what do I believe?
It boils down to whether I believe the Bible is really God's word. People lie on others all the time and sound down right convincing. Doesn't make it true. I believe that the Bible is God's word.
The next logical question would be whether I believe God is lying to me. The answer is a resolute "no."
I thought back to all my times of trouble in the past where the only explanation for the help I received is God's intervention. Too often I received peace from God that man nor science could offer. Of course, far too often I'd caused my own discomfort. That only points out the mercies and grace of God.
I met a man who was working towards his Doctorate in Computer Science. It's the very same major I've only just started working towards my Associates is. When I invited him to church, he declined and stated that he studied religion for six years before concluding that there was no God. Oh, how religion has pushed many would-be servants of God away. I couldn't help but think that though he put so much effort in studying Religion, he would have been much better off simply giving God a chance.
And what of the idea that God had a hand in evolution? Some believe that God was responsible. I suppose that since the missing link was never found that this would make more sense. After Lucifer fell from glory, God flooded the universe in his anger. Once God counted to 10 and cooled off, He started from scratch with the human race. No more convincing to me than evolution orchestrating itself, but people believe that.
Finally, God put my mind at ease and I prayed that he help me not to allow my fear to prevent me from learning, but rather to apply the filter where needed. Now I only need worry about eighteen weeks of information fired at me in a two hour lecture, followed by a two hour lab, four nights a week, for six weeks.
Did I mention that science of any kind is not that kind to me?

How Badly Do Ya Want It?

So it was my lunch hour, and I was walking to a picnic hosted just a block away by the managers/owners of the building I work in and the neighboring buildings. It's a picnic they host every year and during the event they draw business cards to give away prizes. One of the prizes is always a wide screen flat panel TV.
I always wanted one of those TVs and the main reason is that I know my video games would look oh so great on it. Each year I go to this picnic, hoping to win the big one. And each year the TV is won by someone who doesn't seem to have to even worry about money.
So, this year, I gave my business card for the drawing, got my food, and walked back to the office with food and drink in hand(s). On the way back, I prayed to God that he'd allow me to win that TV. The more I thought about it, the more I prayed until I got to the point where I was rationalizing with God on why I should win. I was telling him things like "there's no reason why I shouldn't win." Sometime, during all that foolish praying, the thought occurred to me. Why does it seem like I only pray fervently about obtaining material possessions?
Well, that got my attention. It could very well have been God putting that in my mind. The more I though about it the more ashamed I became. I even started laughing at the sheer selfishness of my prayer. If anyone saw me laughing to myself, I'm sure they may have thought me to be a bit touched in the head.
I thought of my prayer the night before and compared the "hope meter" readings and found that I had more hope that God would allow me to win the TV than to help me do things differently so that things in my life would be different.
I concluded that I wanted material gain more than I wanted spiritual blessings, and the realism of how foolish that really was made me laugh more. How absurd of me!
I am trying to make plans to marry a woman who has shown me beyond a shadow of a doubt that she is the love of my life. A life time with a loving, kind, and quite honestly, a hot piece of work who has no problems with me putting God before her - realizing that it's what's necessary to be the husband she deserves - is far more important than some stupid TV. Whether you are a God fearing man, an atheist, or one who simply acknowledges the existence of God, I'm sure you'd agree that spiritual blessings and intercessory prayer should be at the forefront of a professed Christian's prayer.
Though, I was quite sincere in my prayer last night. Perhaps God answered my prayer and brought that to my attention, giving me the information -if you will - and leaving me with the responsibility to act on it.
"Do you really want to do things differently? Well then here. This is one area where you can do things differently. You didn't realize it before, so I'm here to help you see it for what it really is. You already know what to do. Will you do it?"
That's what it all boils down to, right? Personal action. The proof is in the pudding. Do I want it bad enough to put as much effort in prayer as I did for the TV if not more? BabyGirl, I'm praying real hard for us to get married ASAP. I'll start doing that in all aspects of life as well. Both individually and together. I love you.

P.S.: I'm getting ready. I'm even watching this awesome instructional video that I think will really pay off.


I had no idea Plankton is so well-versed in such arts. Just when you think you know somebody.

New Beginnings

Now, be honest, this new beginning made it's debut February 11th of this year. Still, it's something I want to share. I'm only surprised that it took this long to think of doing it.
Though, I must admit, Pinky, the one responsible for my/our new beginning, brought this to my attention. She said she read my blog and thought to herself "he's talking about the bad stuff in his life and hasn't mentioned any of the good stuff we experienced together. What's up with that?" I tried to explain to her that the blog was created to vent and rant. People don't care to hear what ultimately amounts to soapbox preaching or a pity party. After some time, however, I asked myself the same question.
Her name is Pinky.
We work together. Not in the same building, but for the same agency. Sometimes our jobs require that we make an appearance at the other building. I had to make one such visit and worked on a couple of computers in her office. Her office mate said "Pinky helps us out when we have problems, that's why you hardly hear from us," just after Pinky walked in. I turned to see a woman who I felt I had to get to know.
I tried to talk to her and got no response, as though she ignored me due to a lack of interest. I later found out that she had on headphones and couldn't hear me. She really felt an interest for me too.
It took me three months and her reminding me I promised her lunch to finally work up the nerve to invite her. Another two weeks after that to actually follow through with it.
Lunch was nice, and ended with us recognizing that we had a mutual interest in dating each other. I tried to take it slow and she went along with it only to find out that slow was simply too slow. I believe that our conversations contributed to that. We spoke on the phone a lot and realized we both had the same views as far as relationships (honesty being key), marriage, family, friendship, and life in general. I was quickly realizing that this was the woman I'd wanted. Our conversations were also causing me to fall rather quickly for her. Seeing her in person didn't help my taking it slow either. She has an outstanding, bubbly personality with a beautiful round face with wide eyes and full lips and an attractive body. As a side note: I love that men are often hitting on her. And that leads me to this statement: I finally know what it feels like to fully trust a loved one without fear betrayal. Also, knowing the what you're feeling for the other person is mutual is absolutely awesome. It makes me feel like I can move the Earth itself.
During all those rants, complaints, and pity parties, I knew this experience existed. I just wasn't sure whether I'd ever get the chance. Thank you, God. Thank you, Pinky, the love of my life and my BabyGirl.
Another side note: She knows my daughter was BabyGirl long before she came around and has no problems with Lexy being BabyGirl No. 1. Because of that and many, many other reasons, I will make Pinky BabyGirl, the wwife version.

A Father's Regret

Our lives can be full of regrets. Of all my regrets, I can’t think of a single one that wasn’t born of a poor decision. Perhaps there are a few. But I suppose they’re only regrets if we had the power to avoid it at the time. Anything outside of our real of ability couldn’t really produce regrets.

These days, I’m plagued by a certain type. Regrets that I’ve generated through poor decision making as a father are rushing through the flood gates. Thankfully, they aren’t causing depression, though I believe Jesus to be helping me with that, but they are at the forefront of my mind.

What’s causing this? I am a single father of four kids. I have three boys and one girl. The children that I’ve sired in my failed marriage, and quite frankly acquired through the same, will soon leave to be with their mother. With the coming departure of my children rapidly approaching, I’ve been reflecting on the past in a sort of involuntary mental reaction. A sort of reflex, if you will, where in my mind reflects on the past.

Three kids. Three separate sub-directories of regret. The eldest: his mother introduced me to him at the age of three. I could see then that he was a very smart kid. To this day, he displays a level of intellect that I’ve yet to see in other kids his age. The youngest: the spitting image of myself and a veritable genius when it comes to his school work. Alas, his eight-year-old mind is concerned only with playing. And my daughter: the middle child of my failed marriage and my crowning jewel.

Will they remember my short comings and hold them against me when they become adults? Have I taken away an advantage by falling sort of the mark? When it’s all said and done, did I fail them? I am hounded by these questions as I watch them sleep at night. I’m running out of time. Soon they won’t be within arms reach.

I suppose it’s the geographical distance that will be between us, making for little opportunity to be with them, that’s bringing all this up. But, I will have opportunities. And I’m comforted by the fact that I will make every effort within my power to see those great kids of mine face to face. Communicate with them on a regular basis so as to let them know that a thousand miles isn’t enough to stifle my love for them.

Thankfully, I will have my first offspring with me a bit longer than the rest. My second oldest, slash, first born. When he goes to be with his mom, he’ll never be more than a couple of hours away.

A father’s regret is probably the worst feeling of all the regrets I have. However, I thank the Lord that I’m able to feel it. Four wonderful kids have graced me with their presence. I owe them everything. They’ve become my life. I’m proud to be their Dad and welcome the regret. If I had it to do over again, I don’t think I’d change a thing for fear that I might not have these same kids.

Lexy, Alex, X-Man, and Superman; I love you all very much. You all are the reason I sacrifice with a willing heart. You all make me proud and I know you all will continue to do so. Go, X-Kids!

New Poem

It's been a while, I know. Not like anybody out there is reading any of this. Still, it's cool to do. Pretty fun in fact. So, here's a poem I wrote. I was lyin' in bed thinking about how Christians seem to be so hated. Why nobody seems to care whether Christians are offended by... whatever. So, without further wasting of time...

Who are we to assume that because we answered the call, we are placed on a pedestal above the rest.
Unaffected by the flesh.
We are just as affected.
Without proper medication, we’d be just as infected.
Suffocating in our distress.
Doomed to die, just like the rest.

The word came to us in human form.
From his rightful place in deity, he chose to be torn.
Through his love for us, he saw our need.
Wrapped in a shell of frailty for the chance to plant the seed.
To sprout in our hearts an undeniable concern for our soul’s salvation which we couldn’t earn.
The word showed us a way to a victorious life, and finally taking our place in death to resolve our strife.
Then, rising above death’s stronghold,
He overcame the grave to regain complete control.

Now the call is put forth, so we’re given a choice:
Answer it or ignore his voice.
All decisions have consequences whether good or bad.
To error is human, to rebel is simply sad.
So we answered the call and were set apart.
As promised, the Word delivers unto us a new heart.

The command is simple, “be just like me.”
That is his desire, so the rest would be reached.
But many of the chosen few generated a second change of heart.
They’ve become unapproachable in addition to being set apart.
Looking down on the rest with a judging scowl.
Appearing unto them as being veiled in a self righteous cowl.
Hate the sin, love the sinner. That’s the foundation of our task.
Yet some hate the sinner. “Why,” some may ask.
Do they lack the victory, desiring the sin?
Do the rest remind them of their own personal and constant struggle within?
Reading the instruction left to us by the Word, from beginning to end,
He loved the sinner and hated the sin.

I’ve heard it said: our lives may be the only word some will ever read.
Consider the life you lead and what the reader may glean.
Loving, encouraging, empowering. Will that be the way they describe you, taking note you’re like Him?
Or will they see you directly contradict what they’ve learned as a child from Sunday school and Church hymns?
For the most part, the world will hate us, and of that we were warned.
But to be self righteous and give them reason, of evil is that born.

Thanks for readin'. 'Til next time.

Rejoice With Me

Friends! Rejoice with me and be happy. I am having a blast with this new venture. I'm learning about C++ and having a ball all at the same time. It just blows my mind that so much needs to be typed to display text and math. But none the less, very cool.

Motivation Squashed By Frustration

Today, whilst returning from dropping off my daughter at a friends house to get her hair braided, I passed Victoria Gardens and decided to spend about an hour to myself (Me Time) before heading on home to face my three sons and their friend who spent the night. I took my camera with me in case I saw an opportunity to experiment with it more. I saw the Borders Book Store there and remembered the one I visited in New York many years ago. It was a time when I was happily married and was completely oblivious to my now ex-wife's antics. But, I digress.
Perusing the shelves I found a C++ For Dummies book. After thumbing through it, I found that not only was it easy reading, it also didn't put me to sleep almost immediately after cracking it open.
Seeing as how I promised my children that I'd make a game staring them, this seemed like a great start. With a child like enthusiasm, I happily walked up to the register and charged almost forty dollars to my credit card. Forty dollars that I really couldn't afford. I justified it by convincing myself (quite easily, actually) that by sticking to the training, I could use the education to make BIG MONEY!
I drove home after my personal hour and read my new aide to future prosperity on the throne. I found that not only was it easy to read, but funny, too. As an added bonus, the author stated that the included CD-Rom had all the programs necessary to become a professional coder (not really in those words, that's my translation). Cool Beans! No additional money has to be spent. Awesome! Then, it hit me. While thinking kingly things on my throne, I decided to re-format and re-install Windows XP on my laptop and devote the laptop to the cause. Yes! Capital Idea!
With haste, I finished my business and proceeded to the next project. With each passing moment, I came closer and closer to the goal.
Finally, I'm finished. Now to load the program necessary to follow along with the practice exercise.
Oh, boy was the excitement great. I doubt I'd EVER been this excited about anything connected to learning. I opened the book and read on. I learned new terminology and created my first project. If it had been sex, I'd have been done by that point, but the mind never gets tired. Onward I pressed. Finally, the payoff was at hand. According to the book, all I had to do was click on Execute -> Compile and Run and a DOS box would appear telling me to press any key. The moment of truth. I followed the directions and waited. The program did it's thing, then nothing. No box. I did it again. Nothin'. I tried several times more after that with absolutely no luck. I check the compiler and it told me where the error was, but I couldn't understand it's jargon. That's when my motivation was squashed. I deleted everything and repeated the steps only to have the program tell me "if it didn't work the first five time, why would it work this time? Just give it up, man." That's when frustration set in.
No, I haven't given it up, but I write to you frustrated and defeated. My child like enthusiasm was scolded by my paternal reasoning. This is going to take some time, regardless of the easy read or the humorous statements.

Well, maybe I needed this bit of reality. So be it. I'll figure it out and press on. After all, I have a promise to keep.

'Til next time.

4-6-08; 1000hrs
Good news, everybody, the program finally decided to cooperate with me and allowed me to do as I wished. Though I'm afraid to turn off the laptop now. Any who, You all have yourselves a nice day.