After the Emotional Storm.

Well, the day of the date came and went without a single attempt from the beautiful young lady to contact me. I would say that I was stood-up, but I think you have to actually be at the planned date location and waiting for that to qualify.

With the events pass - or the lack there of that confirms her intentions, regardless of the cause - I find myself with a few prevelant thoughts.
1 - Why does it feel as though I'm the only one who has to consider "the other person?"
Of course, I'm not. It's just good social behavior for all to consider their fellow man. But in today's soociety, self preservation/indulgence takes priority. Christians shouldn't live by this mainstream law, but we've been guilty of it too. Now, if my feelings for this girl had changed and I felt her's didn't, but was steady or growing, I'd feel obligated to tell her how I feel and let her know that I didn't think anything would come of it. After all, put off telling my son's mother about a girl I'd met in AIT and she found out about my marriage to her from a family member of mine. So I never wnat to hurt anyone like that again. This young lady I was interested in figured that the best way to deal with the situation was to disappear and hope it all goes away while she lives her life with her ex-boyfriend. It's her decision who she wants to be with, but even friends are more open to each other than that.
2 - It's not really like I have anything to offer, anyway.
I'm a single father of four great kids whom I can barely afford to provide for. I have no savings and I can hardly pay my bills on time (though I do, thank you God). Having a woman in my life would do nothing but drag her down. It's cool. I can accept that. Not that I've given up. I'm constantly looking for oppertunities to better myself (through school, preferably). Still, what woman wants a boat anchor.
3 - Why am I constantly attracted to that type of women?
My preference seems to be short, dark, with a nice backside. I don't casually date women. I'm too old and have been married too be satisfied with shallow relationships. If I date her, it's because I see my potential wife in her. This would have been my first official date ever; to give you an idea of how cautious I am. Yet, somehow, I'm attracted to less than reputable women - for lack of better words. My ex-wife has extreemely promiscuous before our marriage. During my un-official first date with the young lady, she discloses to me her promiscuity as well. Granted, it's her life and the past shouldn't matter. However, I found myself feeling the same insecurities with her as I did with my ex. How in the world can I hope to physically satisfy a "well versed" woman physically being just one man with an average sized wang? My ex cheated on me constantly. Then again, that's a personal issue. After all, that's her past and really doesn't affect my attraction toward or decision for a woman. It's just a personal insecurity.
4 - I'm I even mentally prepared for a relationship?
It's obvious I haven't left the past behind me as I previously thought. The way my ex divorced me cut so deep that I thought I'd never recover. I did, but there is a lot of scar tissue that I've covered up. And lets not forget thought number two.

It's her coice who she wants to be with. If she chooses to restore the status of her ex-boyfriend to boyfriend, that's certainly within her right. I honestly don't know what kept her from calling me or caused her to miss our date, though my mind has obviously formulated it own reasons and conclussions. I just know that common courtesy would have motivated me to pick up the phone.

Perhaps I've done or said something. Even still...

'Til next time.