Lovers' Games

Greetings. I have a special treat for you all. You see, I am quite busy trying to study for the real estate exam while trying to find a landlord who will rent to me instead of the first person to offer them a butt-load-o'-money to skip the usual screening and renat the house. I've made promises to you all that I now must appologize for not meeting and ultimately repenting of said promises. However, I do have a little tid-bit that I think you all will like.
I call them Lover's Games. All I do is take regular games and incorporate sex into it. Spencer's Gifts is loaded with'em. The second game, Lover's Chess, is a gime that I actually played several times with my wife. It worked so well at getting us so worked up that we always stpped the game temporarilly to get our groove on. After we were satisfied, we finished the game. Lover's Darts hasn't been tested because I'm now divorced with no one to try this out with. Let me know how well it works.
I ant to make something perfectly clear. I made these games with the intent of sharing it with married couples. I know that others will play them (the unmarried and - God forbid - the gay) and I can't do anything about that. Just know that these games are not my acceptance of either act (though I was quite guilty of pre-marital sex before I got married).
I had plans of trying to market the games, but it so hard to find companies interested in the idea. It's like the companies that make these games operate in secrecy. So, I finally just typed up the directions on my computer, printed them out, and mailed them to myself in an attempt to obtain a type of copyright.
Enjoy.

Lover’s Darts

The rules of Clock still apply with additional Lover’s Darts rules. When playing for high score all the rules of standard and variation rules apply, but without costs. The Lover’s Rules are applied to the double and triple rings (referred to as 2x Action Ring and 3x Action Ring) and the bull’s eye (referred to as The Pie Hole). This game is ideal for the magnetic dart game set. The Lover’s Rules can be applied to all variations of darts

2x Action Ring: In addition to doubling point value in a high score shoot-out or advancing two digits in Clock, the player must perform an Oral Tease to the opponent for 30 seconds. Hands may be used, but neither hands nor mouth may come near or penetrate any orifices (mouth, anus, or vagina) or applied to the penis.
3x Action Ring: In addition to tripling point value in a high score shoot-out or advancing three digits in Clock, the player must perform a hand job or finger-bang for 30 seconds to the opponent. Hands and Oral Teasing may accompany the action, but oral sex is not allowed.
*No intercourse is allowed in either Action Ring. Actions my only be performed if the ring is hit within the number you are attempting. For example: if you are attempting for #14 and hit either ring within the #14 slice, then the action may be performed. Hitting any other numbered ring other than the number you are attempting does not entitle you to perform that action.
Outer Pie Hole (in the form of parted Red Lips): Player may administer 60 seconds of Oral Sex if the outer bull’s eye is hit prior to the player’s attempt at closing and winning the game at the cost of one point. For example: if the player was on #14 when bull’s eye was hit and the player opts to perform the action on the opponent, the player would move back to #13. The player could forfeit the action to suffer no cost, but the opponent may claim the action and perform it on the player. No intercourse is allowed.
Center Pie Hole (Open Mouth): The same rules apply as they did on the Red Lips with a few exceptions. The cost to perform this action is two points, total points of the other two darts divided by three may be applied to total time of action as additional seconds, and there are no holds bared.
*A player can not be sent back past #1 on the board so no cost will be paid if the player still attempting for or on the #1. The players may determine whether or not to allow actions for either bull’s eye in this case.
One way to keep the physical contact constant in the game (because the frequency of hitting the action rings or bull’s eye varies according to individual ability) is to congratulate your opponent with a kiss for every successful target and give your opponent a firm spank for missing the intended target on all there tries in a turn.

The wager for a game won may be set by the players. Any elements not covered in the rules are open to interpretation. Also, it goes without saying that the dart must be more than halfway inside the targeted area to count. However, house rules can modify the qualifications for a score or successful attempt.

Lover’s Chess

Again, this is a game that is played with the usual rules applied, but with actions triggered by the capturing of certain pieces.
The biggest challenge in this game is keeping your thoughts intact long enough to develop and keep a strategy for a win. A win is either obtained by putting your opponent’s King into checkmate or causing your opponent to forfeit the game verbally or by causing them to have an orgasm.

These are the action-to-capture principles of the game:
Pawns: When these are captured they are worth 5 seconds a piece.
Rooks, Knights, and Bishops: Once captured by the player, the player must perform foreplay of any kinds on the opponent for 60 seconds. With the exception of oral sex and intercourse, anything goes.
Queen: 60 seconds of oral sex must be performed by the player on the opponent when the player captures the opponent’s queen. However, if a queen has been captured and is later retrieved by the player who lost it by successfully sending a pawn to the other side of the board, that player (the owner of the queen) can perform oral sex for 60 seconds plus an additional 5 seconds for every one of the opponent’s pawns captured.
King: The player can perform 60 seconds of intercourse on the opponent plus an additional 5 seconds for every opponent’s pawns captured if the player puts the opponent’s king in check.
*A player cannot stop the opponent from completing an action for any reason other than pain or discomfort of any kind. This will result in instant forfeit if this is done. However, the players must be sensitive to each other’s discomfort concerning certain sexual acts. Therefore, it’s best to set any boundaries that are reasonable and may be necessary but not to the point of killing any potential intensity.
This is a game that I played a number of times with my wife. As it turned out, we could never finish a game.

Amended on 06-01-05 @ 1720hrs
I'd like to make it clear that these games weren't created with everyone and anyone in mind, but for a married couple as recognized by the Bible as a union between a man and a woman and made legal by the state. However, everyone can make their own decisions to do what they want. It's one of the things that God gave us. That being free will.

Rant #4: Marriage

I was at a video game store last week - EB Games - When I over heard part of the conversation of the workers there. They were laughing about what some female customer said. Then, one of them said, "It must've been like her third marriage. No one stays married that long anymore." That comment disturbed me for quite some time.
My parents have been together since before I was born, and I'm the oldest of three. They've never had previous marriages. I wnated to do the same both for me and my children. But because I wouldn't step up to the plate and be a man, my children will never be able to say that about there parent's. I can sit in my chair and feel sorry for myself all I want and say to myself "If she really loved me, she would have stuck by me through thick and thin, for rich or poor, 'til death did us part." But everybody has their limits. I can say that it took her 5 years to reach her's.
Another sad thing is that a short marriage seems to be accepted by everybody and no one believes that a long marriage with one person is possible anymore. I suppose that's true when you figure into the equation that no one wnats to make sacrafices any more. They will work together in a marriage as long as it doesn't cost too much. Once it starts costing more than a person is willing to pay in a marriage that person files for a divorce. The kids are affected and both parents claim to be concerned about the kids. However, the children's attitude tell a different story. Did that last part make sense?
No time for spell checker. Gotta get back to work. Be back here in a few days to learn a new way to play darts and chess.