Perpetual Backslide

That's how it feels. I've been in this state for so long that I can't even remember when it began.

People would ask: Why write about the things you write about? Wouldn't that make you a hypocrite? Of course it does. However, the truth is still the truth, regardless of my sorry life.

I've prayed for help with my strugles (sugar-coating it), but I doubt I truly want it taken away. But I just can't give up. I feel as though I must keep praying and hoping and believing that if nothing else, I will one day allow God to do a work in me again. Why bother? This is why:



I know God loves me, as God loves all his creation. So much, in fact, that He gave His life for the cause [to save souls from an eternity apart from him]. Though we may not all be children of God, we're all still loved by Him and are given the invitation to be his child. He desires that we would all come to the knowledge of Him. A knowledge that understands that where sin runs rampant, there is far more grace to counter it. A knowledge that understands His grace leads us to repentance. A knowledge that would one day cause us to accept him as our Savior - gaining a Friend who's closer than a brother, a Father, and the power to live above sin.

Yes, I've been far less than the model Christian, for quite some time now. Yet, God in his mercy continues to love and stay the hand of punishment. Though I'm not foolish enough to believe there is no limit. I believe that I'm hindering God from doing in my spiritual life what I once gave him free reign to do. I believe that I will finally "let go and let God" once I overcome myself. I never believed in the phrase "once saved, always saved." However, I do believe Jesus is always there to pick us up, even when we fall from grace, to help us back onto our spiritual feet.


Thanks for listening. 'Til next time.